11:23 pm - Sun, May 27, 2012

3 notes

DHS keyword big brother spylist is out (and silly); here are some sentences to get you spied on by the government!

A Freedom of Information Act request forced the Department of Homeland Security to release a department reference book complete with a list of keywords which their analysts use to monitor social media sites for potential terrorist threats. These words/phrases are considered to ‘reflect adversely’ on the government. Also, when I write “monitor social media sites,” what I really mean is wantonly spy on the American people.

English is an intricate monolith, and I have heard many times it is among one of the hardest modern languages to learn. That being said, this list is one of the most broad, ambiguous lists of words ever. According to The Daily Mail:

A senior Homeland Security official told the Huffington Post that the manual ‘is a starting point, not the endgame’ in maintaining situational awareness of natural and man-made threats and denied that the government was monitoring signs of dissent. However the agency admitted that the language used was vague and in need of updating.

Not the endgame? Oooh, so it’s going to get even more ridiculous? And it’s in need of updating? Updated to what? The whole dictionary?

Without further ado, I give you actual sentences that would get you spied on by the government in a social media setting according to the homeland security analyst reference (keywords have been bolded):

• I went to the airport to ride on an airplane.
• I do not eat pork.
• The storm brought hail and sleet which later turned to ice and snow.
• That cloud looks like a rabbit.
• He is smart and he majored in agriculture.
• Exposure to salmonella and e. coli bacteria can cause you to get sick with food poisoning.
• Exercise can aid in recovery and illness prevention.
• Cars burn gas.
• The plot was enriched by the addition of pirates.
• A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Seems totally reasonable, right?

Other random words that are no doubt harmlessly used thousands of times a day:

• help
• watch
• burst
• bust
• wave
• electric
• recall
• flu
• response
• collapse
• “social media”

Even more reasons for scorn and derision:

• Any mention of cops or police or ‘authorities’ in any way makes the list.
• Any mention of pretty much any Middle Eastern country makes the list.
• Not only does Mexico make the list, but the adjective southwest was even on there. Several American cities were listed as well, including Tuscon and San Diego.
• You can’t mention DHS or FEMA without being monitored. Naturally.
• In the weather section, they spelled the word ‘lightning’ as ‘lightening.’

This list is so laughably broad and vague, why not just go ahead and admit everything is being spied on and monitored? It’d be much more believable.

Think about it in common sense terms. Does anyone honestly believe bona fide terrorists really hatch all of their nefarious plans by spelling them out in these plain terms on, say, Facebook or Twitter? Yeah, I’m gonna go with nope.

But, don’t worry, Homeland Security is not monitoring for “dissent”. That’s why they just randomly bought 450 million hollow-point rounds a few months ago.

This is just an excuse to spy on everyone online, and a shoddy one at that. George Orwell would be so horrified.

/FAIL. ಠ_ಠ

-Mel-